Home << Back

Deep into her eyes


Do you look deep into her eyes?

No, seriously. Picture the two of you back when you were courting. Any time you were talking together, learning about each other or making plans. Bet you were listening the right way, page 50, because you would have been trying to learn all you could about this person and her wishes, this person who you could end up spending your life with. Bet you watched her eyes as you spoke, to see how she was taking what you said. Bet you watched her eyes as she talked, to see how she was affected by the things she was recounting.

Do you do that now?

What's the problem here? Chances are you look less into her eyes now. And that can spell trouble, because if there is stress between you, the eyes can be a great indicator.

Don't try this! Just imagine it, though. Right now, if you took your wife's hand in yours, and looked into her eyes, and asked "How are you feeling, Darling?" what would you see? Would you see a look of happiness like a shaft of extra sunlight come into the day? Or would you see clouds or even thunder?

Of course you know what would happen right now - she's not a very happy lady, and it would show.

What to do about it: Your job from now on is to practice being the guy you were when she wanted to marry you, so she'll revert to feeling that way.

That means being attentive to her every word, and looking into her eyes, to give you the best chance of picking up on which things she's not happy about now, so you can work on getting those matters back to what they were when she was happy with you.

Troubleshooting: this is going to be a real problem for you.

It's hard to keep up a warm front when you just know that there's some terrible tension between you.

Or you know you've slipped back down the scale from what you were, and maybe you would be a lot nicer for her except you've been together so long, and there's been a lot of water under the bridge, or you've behaved in ways maybe you're not that proud of. Of course all those things matter, but there's something that's more important still - that gives you the best chance of all - you're still together, so you've still got the chance of looking deep into her eyes when you are talking together. About anything. Even about the garbage.

It's only one of the things you can do to help yourself - but it's an important step towards finding out if you are in trouble, and if so why, and if so, how to get it fixed.

Copyright © 2007 Peter Leon Collins
Home << Back